I remember when I had my first baby, a little boy. He cried a lot. He had colic. He had the grumps. He was hard.
I wanted to quit.
It was worst in the middle of the night when I was so so tired and it was so so dark, and my husband was sleeping so he could work the next day and I was kind of hating life. But by four months, Eli was sleeping better. He was sleeping through the night, for the most part. I might not be great with nursing, or great with newborns, or great with a lot of things, but I knew one thing--I was Awesome with sleep training. I bragged about it, because at the time, it seemed like one of the only things I was doing right.
Then I had Dora, aka baby two. I survived the newborn stage. I survived the nursing and then not nursing, another failure, and voila, this baby was much happier. She didn't cry nearly as much. My life was hard, but I was keeping my head above water. The weeks passed, and then more and more and guess what?
I am awesome at sleep training. Except this baby wouldn't sleep. Suddenly, the one thing I had was gone. Drat. No more bragging on that one.
Then came time to potty train. I potty trained Eli, and I potty trained Dora shortly thereafter. It was (relatively) easy. There were a few accidents, there were a few messes, but for the most part, it was smooth sailing.
Because I am awesome at potty training.
Except now I have a three year old who still poops in her pants every single day and won't go pee on the potty unless I remember every single time she needs to go and I take her and pull down her pants and make her sit on the toilet and I clean her up again. It's horrible. I have tried everything I can think of trying. I have tried really hitting it hard for a few days. I have backed off and left her alone. I have pleaded, I have cajoled, I have offered an endless litany of rewards, I have shamed, I have yelled and screamed and cried.
Because I suck at potty training.
I have decided that I am okay with that, because every child is different. I cannot be the same mom tomorrow as I am today. I am the parent, but I can't control everything. Some things, these little people of ours, they just have to control themselves.
I am trying to be patient with their little quirks, their difficulties, their issues, but some days I regress. Some days I fuss, I grump, and I groan, because being a parent is hard.
The next time you see a parent failing miserably at something that's super easy to you, maybe instead of saying, "Oh you're doing that wrong. Let me tell you what *I* do, because I am really good at that," just maybe, you should commiserate with them instead. "Oh, that stinks. It's the worst. I hope it gets better."
You may not be as much an expert as you think. And they may need a little moral support more than they need advice. Sometimes our only goal is to make it through the next few minutes, the next day, the next week or the next month, and that's okay. Eventually things will get better, but for now, sometimes we just have to hold on.
(That being said, if you HAVE potty training advice for the non-potty trainable child, tell me in the comments! I will try ANYTHING!! Haha)
