NO NAPS. ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NO NAPS

My kids, all three kids, have refused now, for two straight days, to take an afternoon nap. If you think a 4 year old kid, and a two year old kid are too old for naps, you are wrong. They all need naps. Why, you may wonder? Well, I think they physiologically need them, but it's more important than their needs.

Their mom needs a nap. If she doesn't get one, she might eat them.

So here, in no particular order, are my kids' varied and manifold reasons for not taking a nap.

Elijah: I need to go potty. (Legitimate.)

Isadora: My room is hot. (Legitimate, but her fault. She won't leave her A/C on. She hates fans and A/Cs of all kinds. My daughter's ability to turn the A/C off is another post entirely.)

Emerald: My room is cold. (Possibly legitimate. After she blew through an outfit, she was put in a sleeveless onesie and decorated bloomers. Her mom likes the house cold. Really cold. And she kicks off the blankets.)

Elijah: I need to go potty. (Not legitimate. You just went 5 minutes ago. It's success once does not predict success under all scenarios.)

Isadora: I need to go potty. (Legitimate. Pooh spread all over her hands indicates she actually needed to poop.)

Emerald: I am lonely. (Not legitimate. Mommy is the opposite of lonely. Go to sleep!)

Elijah: There's a dead lizard on the stairs. (Not legitimate. The death of small critters does not impact your nap.)

Isadora: There's an ant in my room. (Not legitimate. A black fleck is not an ant.)

Emerald: There's no bottle in my mouth. I absolutely cannot sleep without a bottle being held in my tiny, greedy mouth. (Not legitimate. Life sucks. Learn that now, at four months old.)

Elijah: I don't want to take a nap. (I'm not going to grace this with an explanation.)

Isadora: I am lonely. You stay in my room mom. (Nope. See above.)

Emerald: I pooped my pants. (Crap. Double Crap. Legitimate but annoying.)

Elijah: I am thirsty. (Not legitimate. Suck it up.)

Isadora: Pink Milk. Me want Pink Milk. (Not legitimate. See above.)

Emerald: WAAAAAAAH! (See above.)

Elijah: I broke the soap dispenser you just spent $25 on because me and Dora loved it and poured liquid soap all over the carpet when I went to the bathroom for the eighth time in an hour. Please don't be mad at me. (Maybe he didn't say all that, but you get the point.)

Elijah: I need you to wipe my bum. If I do it myself, it itches. (GAH!!!)

Emerald: WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH pause for breath WAAAAAHHHAAAHHHAAAAHHAHH!

Mom: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (LEGITIMATE! @&^$$@&*#*#)

When dad comes home, he says, "You look tired. Is everything okay?"